Growth Mindset.  This term feels like a recent catch phrase to me.  I’m not sure if it's just something I have discovered recently because of my deep dive into the world of personal development, or if it is really a new topic for blogs, podcasts, facebook lives, etc.  But for many years now, before I even knew what having a growth mindset meant, I have surrounded myself with images of growth.  I have necklaces, hats, wall decals, and even a tattoo with images of trees and flowers.  I’m working on a logo and branding for my business, all with the purpose of symbolizing growth. I’ve always been someone who sought knowledge and growth.  My husband joked once that I would be a professional student if I could.  I love school!  It always came fairly easy for me, so it was no surprise to me, in hindsight, that I was actually sad when I earned my master’s degree.  I watched everyone around me cheer with relief and excitement.  I loved the group projects and dialogue.  I loved learning new concepts and therapy techniques.  I even loved writing papers.  So graduation for me symbolized an end to that, even though it really didn’t.  Learning can be lifelong if you seek it out.  Anyone who has ever attended a training or conference with me knows how I often excitedly geek out over new concepts or new ways of looking at things.   

My husband actually brought the concept of “growth” to the forefront for me.  Ten years ago, during our first relocation move from one area of Pennsylvania to another, I had many moments of stress and anxiety.  I had never moved to a completely new area before.  Sure, I moved about 45 minutes from my family, but that was nothing.  I didn’t know how to wrap my head around being a two hour drive away.  I know that seems like a small hurdle compared to those who live a plane ride away from family, but this was new to me.  It felt huge.  My husband moved ahead of us while I was at home with our four-year old, a full time job, and trying to keep a house clean to show for months before it finally sold.  It was not a smooth transition.  At my lowest, most stressful moments, my husband would simply say one word to me.  “Growth!”  Him saying that simple word made me take a breath and shift my mindset.  Was it still hard?  Yes!  Was it still stressful?  Absolutely!  Did it fix everything and make it go more smoothly?  Nope!  But shifting to a positive, growth mindset is most important during stressful times.  It was “growing” through this first move, that made me know that I could make it through our move to Virginia.  It made me take the risk and move even further away.  I knew I could do it because I had done it before.  It was honestly an even harder, more stressful move, but I made it.  

If we have to go through the lowest, painful, most difficult times in our lives, shouldn’t we learn something from them?  If we can’t avoid the pain of a difficult situation, shouldn’t we embrace the growth that will inevitably occur?  Because the painful moments DO change us.  They DO rearrange our perceptions of the world.  Do we want to come out the other side  bitter or jaded?  Deciding to learn from the failures and missteps and allow them to fortify you lends a new perspective.

In contrast to having a growth mindset is having a fixed mindset. To have a fixed, or static, mindset is to think that your potential, and therefore your success (or failure) is predetermined. Basically, it's the idea that you’re born with a certain degree of intelligence, strength and fortitude that doesn’t change.  Someone who has a fixed mindset might say to themselves, “why bother, it is what it is.” This mindset whispers fears of failure, it whispers criticism and doesn’t allow you to  try new things.  Because when you truly believe that you are born with a fixed capacity for a skill and level of intelligence, why would you ever want to try something new?  If you’re content and everything is fine, why do something different?  Why change the way it’s always been done?  And if forced into a change, a transition, a move, someone stuck in a fixed mindset blames the situation and gets stuck in self pity.  They might be the parent on the sidelines at your daughter’s soccer game, blaming the referees or the other team’s cheating on their daughter’s losing outcome of the game.  They can’t see the opportunity that comes from failure or pain.  They might not have the capacity to have a conversation with their daughter about what she could do differently next time.  They are too stuck in the loss to see it as anything other than a loss, instead of seeing it as an opportunity for growth.  Maybe having a fixed mindset is a protective factor. Maybe it’s an armor they wrap around themselves to stay safely inside, free from failure.

If I’m being honest, fixed mindset thoughts creep into my mind and try to take hold.  It's only natural in times of stress, change or transition, that we wouldn’t want to stick our necks out and risk failure, embarrassment, or worse.  It’s scary out there!  But it is possible to shift those negative thoughts to positive ones.  It is possible to grab a hold of your mindset, shake it up a bit, and do the “thing” anyway.  Even if you fail.  Even if it’s hard.  Especially if it’s hard.  Because it’s by doing the hard stuff that we grow.  And I actively want to believe that growth is possible.