Filling the Empty Nest
A new school year. The photos of the “first day of school” fill my social media feeds. My connections are varied, so I have friends whose children are going to kindergarten, 3rd grade, middle school, high school and college. My son started his freshman year of high school this week, but I remember his first day of kindergarten like it was yesterday! From what I’m told by other parents who have older kids, these next 4 years will pass in a blink! Before I know it, we’ll be dropping him off at college. As I think about him getting ready to launch into adulthood, I realize what a HUGE transition it will be to parent an adult. To no longer have the daily demands and little routines of motherhood in my home. I know that it’s literally our job as parents to get them ready to leave us. Our goal is to raise responsible, kind, well-rounded adults. But then what? If we have done our job successfully, where does that leave us as parents?
Being a mom, I can’t speak for fathers, but as moms, our identity often gets entwined with that of our kids. Many of us identify first as mom, then woman, wife, professional, etc. We devote our time, energy, thoughts, emotions, and activities to our children. If we don’t make a conscious effort to create a life and identity separate from that of “mom” we may have a VERY difficult time when it comes time for our kids to go off on their own into the world.
I suggest starting now, at whichever stage you are, to begin filling your empty (or soon to be empty) nest. Starting to carve out activities that belong to YOU before your nest is empty, will help ease the really big transition. These are just a sampling of ideas to get you started:
Take care of yourself. Focusing on your physical and mental health should always be a priority, but let’s face it, some of us let ourselves become less of a priority when we are in full-on mom mode. Eating foods that nourish our bodies, walking outside, taking exercise classes, and practicing self-care are all ways to get and remain healthy. I have recently discovered Pilates and love it! I also love getting outside walking my dog in my beautiful neighborhood.
Get social. Nurturing our friendships is so important. My closest friends are those who have traveled the parenting journey with me. We essentially are raising our kids together. Even though I have moved away from that area, we remain close. Because I have moved to a new area, I have had to make a more conscious effort to expand my social connections. I belong to a book club, I participate in group exercise classes, I have joined a BUNCO group, and I network for business. So even during a pandemic, I have been able to build a growing circle in a new town. These connections will remain and grow when my nest becomes empty in a few years.
Focus on career (or start a new chapter). As your daily parenting responsibilities begin to lessen, you might find yourself with more time to devote to your current career development. Is there something you’ve always wanted to do? Are you ready for a new challenge? Now might be the time to do it! It’s never too late to make a fresh start. Or, maybe you’re ready to retire and explore some of the other fun things on this list.
Learn something new. Find a hobby, take an art class, learn to knit, take a cooking class, start speaking a new language. Anything to stretch your mind and explore new things. I come from a long line of later-in-life artists. My maternal grandmother created oil paintings of family, animals, landscapes and family landmarks. My maternal grandfather carved beautiful birds from wood, which my grandmother then painted. These all have become family heirlooms. My mother learned pottery in her 60s. She has her own potter’s wheel and kiln, takes classes, watches videos and is always looking to create something new.
Travel and explore. I love to travel. My husband and I traveled before my son was born and we travel with him in tow. We live in a great area that we are just beginning to explore. As we approach the time when our son is no longer enrolled in school locally, we plan and dream of all the places we want to visit (or move to!).
So I will leave you with the challenge to start planning for this big life transition. But if thinking about it leaves you full of dread and sadness, please reach out. It can be difficult to imagine a life that doesn’t include the daily tasks of parenting. It can be heartbreaking to imagine not seeing your child daily. It can be overwhelming to imagine them managing in the world without you. As a transition coach I can help you sort through the conflicting emotions and begin to create a vision for your future. It truly is an exciting time full of opportunities for you and for your child!
