Wait! They’re Back in the Nest
I have the honor...yes honor…and pleasure of working with high schoolers. I love it! I get to help them learn about themselves and what they are capable of. I get to support them while they talk about what they love to do and what they don’t love to do. I get to point out their strengths and show them possible paths forward. I get to partner with them through their first really big transition into adulthood. My favorite part is the assessment, which provides so much valuable information about how they process information, how their personality traits will translate into the world of work, and which interest areas are the strongest drivers for them. Armed with that information, if college is their next step, we do a thorough college search to find a match of academic major and personal preferences regarding culture, location, activities and anything else of importance to them. This process gives them the best possible opportunity to take a solid first step into the world of adulthood. I talk in a little more detail about how to prepare them to leave the nest here.
But what if your child didn’t do this level of planning and analysis before college? What if they are having a difficult time making the leap to the world of work? What if your son was certain he loved computers and wanted to major in computer science, only to realize he hated it once he started working? Or maybe your daughter has always dreamed of being a teacher because she absolutely loved her second grade teacher. She went to her first choice school, graduated with her degree and teaching certificate and got her first teaching job. But unfortunately, her dreams of being a teacher didn’t match the reality of the day-to-day work required.
So what does your adult child do in this situation?
They can move back home with you and get a job waiting tables, tending bar, stocking shelves, (insert any other work that doesn’t require the college degree they have just earned). Although these are all valuable positions that are essential, your child is unsatisfied.
Having earned that shiny new degree, they can start a job in their originally chosen field. Even though they are putting that degree “to good use,” this could lead to them feeling miserable, unfulfilled, and stuck as they struggle through a position that just doesn’t fit.
They could regroup, refocus, and recommit.
I don’t know about you, but the first two options don’t seem like great ones. As parents we want our kids to launch into the world of work prepared for success. We want them to find jobs that are well-suited to their individual skill sets and personalities. We also want them to be able to comfortably support themselves. We do not want them dissatisfied, miserable, and living in our basements. It’s so hard to move past the idea that they have “wasted” their time and our money getting an education that they won’t use. But that’s why it’s a great time to regroup. It’s time to admit that they need to re-examine their goals.
First of all, I don’t believe that education is ever wasted. Every path, whether successful or not, teaches us something. I am a firm believer that growth and learning never stops. I endorse anyone, of any age, at any stage, to assess and change direction if they aren’t happy or satisfied. As I talked about in my previous post here, having a growth mindset is so important for success and happiness in life. I can help reframe what they might view as a failure into a fresh new perspective. Regardless of their next step, I will help them see it as a launching point for where they want to go.
My approach to coaching is to start with a powerful career and academic assessment that, as I mentioned above, allows a deep dive into capabilities, strengths and interests. Coaching and analysis might show only a slight shift in direction is necessary. Maybe their original course of study was a good fit, and they simply need to focus on a different aspect of that particular career path. They might not need to go back to school and start all over again. For example, if your daughter majored in business because she loves organization and data. She loves to analyze processes and procedures and spend hours on her computer arranging spreadsheets. Her first “business” job she landed out of college required attendance at numerous daily meetings. She realized that she hates meetings. She’s now thinking “if this is what business is, I want no part of it!” An assessment with me will likely show that she prefers work settings where she is independant and working with less social interaction. She doesn’t need to go back to school and start over again. She needs a new position that will allow her to utilize her strengths and preferences - data analysis and spreadsheets - with minimal social requirements.
The assessment might also reveal that their original direction simply wasn’t the best choice. I can help your child reframe their “failed” college experience and first attempt at the world of work. I will support them into realizing that no experience is wasted. Everything is an opportunity for growth. Because of my education and experience in the counseling field, I can also help support them through any feelings of anxiety surrounding their uncertainty. More importantly, I can recognize signs that they may need to talk to a mental health professional about their thoughts and feelings. So if you have a recent college graduate who is needing a reset, I would love to support their growth into what’s next!
