Why Things Have to Change — and How to Handle the Transition
Our lives are filled with transitions. When you really stop to think about it, even our days are made up of starting something, transitioning to the next task, and then to the next. We wake in the morning and move on to wakefulness as we get ready for our day. Our workday concludes and we move into our homelife. We go to bed at night and start over again the next day. The days, weeks, months and years pass by as we become teenagers, graduate from high school, begin college or employment. At some point we enter adulthood and take on more responsibility. This progresses as we go through life, out of one phase into another.
Life is not static and change is inevitable. So why do some transitions seem so effortless, while others shake us to the core? Why do some people seem to sail through life, taking risks, rising in the face of setbacks, and moving on with grace and resilience when others fail to find their way forward and live with regret and bitterness?
Maybe we need to start by defining what a transition is and why so many people struggle through them. They are more than simply change, although change is certainly part of it. Transitions require you to let go of something familiar and embrace the unknown. It’s leaving what’s comfortable and requiring you to stretch beyond your boundaries. They can be major life events like a new job, a move to a new city, a relationship change, or they can be more personal, like a shift in mindset or a desire for self-improvement. They can be joyful and eagerly anticipated, or they can fill you with dread. Either way, a shift is required. The more you fight it, refuse to acknowledge it, or ignore your feelings, the more difficult it can be.
2002 was a huge year for me. I received my Master’s Degree, I got married, I started a brand new career, and we bought a new house (my first) and moved (December 30!). Oh, and we closed the business I had been running for the past six years. All in one year I had five major life transitions. The first one, graduate school graduation, was so incredibly difficult for me! Why was I gloomy, miserable and tearful? I was so confused. I had worked hard for several years to achieve this goal. I should be happy! But I knew graduation was the first in a list of major changes coming down the road that year. I would no longer be a student, planning my wedding, and hoping to get a job in my new career. I would be a graduate, a wife, and have to actually be a School Counselor. Once I got through graduation, I felt much better. I was excited for all of the changes and eager to get started on this next phase of my life. But the initial feelings were real. Ignoring them didn’t make them go away, I had to process and move through them and acknowledge them. Those feelings didn’t mean I wasn’t happy about the transitions – I just had to mourn a little bit for my former life before I could find the joy in my new one. And I let myself be sad, while still celebrating my accomplishments and what was to come.
The period in between – the bridge – is the crucial step. It’s a step that is often ignored, shoved down, rushed through in order to quickly cross to the other side. Managing transition in a proactive way will require self-reflection. What are your values, passions, and goals in this moment? What aspects of your current situation do you wish to preserve and build upon? By understanding who you are now, you can make more informed decisions about where you want to go from here.
Once you have identified and processed your feelings about the transition and where you are now, it’s time to plan for what comes next by creating a vision and making some goals for the future. You don’t have to have it all figured out, but choosing a direction for the next phase of your life can be very empowering. Make sure these goals are aligned with your values, and then break them down into actionable steps.
Transitions can be tough. They challenge us to grow and adapt to the changing world around us and within us. Facing them and moving through them with purpose and intention will help you emerge on the other side stronger and with renewed confidence.
