Ways My Ever-Planning Brain is a Blessing and a Curse, and 4 Ways I Calm It
I plan constantly. I mean, really all the time. When I’m waking in the morning my mind is playing a movie of getting out of bed, walking to the bathroom, brushing my teeth, deciding what to wear, what to eat, etc. etc. etc. I am constantly 3 steps ahead of any given moment.
There are some benefits to this. For example, I always know what my next meal will be. I also know what I’m going to say, what route I’m going to take, and what time I am leaving the house. I imagine who I will meet as I’m walking in, what I might say to them and what they will say to me in return.
I rehearse what I want to say in a text message or email, and I sometimes have to check to see whether I’ve already sent it. I write blog posts in my head before they become an actual document.
By the time I actually do something, it’s like I’ve already done it 5 times!
Some of these planning actions are extremely beneficial. It’s not a bad thing to make sure you have your thoughts together for an important meeting. It’s crucial to plan out what you might say in an email to a potential client.
How Planning Can Sabotage
Planning for events that haven’t yet happened robs you of the present. It makes time (seem to ) go by faster. It’s hard to simply sit and enjoy the sunset without looking at the time and worrying that you will be late for your dinner reservations.
Reading several pages of a book and realizing you have no idea what you read wastes time when you have to go back and re-read the plot twist you missed while your brain was somewhere else.
Driving somewhere in your car and realizing you don’t remember the past 15 minutes of your drive is a scary feeling! Your brain was on autopilot because you were thinking about what was on your grocery list and the five things you have to do this evening.
The biggest way I sabotage myself is that I rehearse what I’m going to say while someone is talking. I want to make sure I say the right thing, and that I come across as knowledgeable and smart. I want to get it right. I often interrupt to rush to get my point across. I interrupt with what I think is the right thing to say. But I am missing so much of what is being said. I’m missing the opportunity to be a true listener.
So what can I do? Self awareness is truly half the battle. Armed with this self knowledge and a desire to change for the better, here is how I work to calm my planning brain in order to focus on my task at hand:
Brain dump activity - this is the first thing I do as part of my daily routine. I simply pull out my journal and write whatever is on my mind in a free flow format. There are no rules to this. I’ve seen it called Morning Pages, but I don’t think it necessarily has to be done in the morning. I do it when I know I need my brain to be focused. This helps by getting all the random thoughts out of my head and out into the world.
Practicing meditation - and I truly mean practice (not perfect). I have just recently started meditating daily. I use an app called Insight Timer and play ocean wave sounds with light music for 10-15 minutes. I focus on my breath and visualize my stray thoughts drifting out to sea. There are still a lot of thoughts entering my brain, but I don’t stay stuck in them for long. This helps me practice staying in the present.
Setting a timer (and moving my phone) when I need to focus and get work done. I decide the amount of time I want to spend on a task and set a timer. I set my phone in another area of the room so I’m not tempted to pick up and check the time - which inevitably leads to checking email, which leads to answering email, which leads to scrolling facebook, which leads to taking a deep dive into some random friend’s vacation photos. My mind is easily distracted by the bright shiny object that is my phone.
Using self-talk by simply telling myself to STOP! I use this especially during conversations where I want to be completely focused on what the other person is saying. Telling myself “I am listening to hear you” is my reminder to stop rehearsing what I plan to say and simply be present in the conversation.
